i told daddy: "he said "why are girls so vain? a girl can don't dress up and make up and still look good.""
daddy said: "then he's going to be very disappointed. there is no such girl."
kekeke.
On the issue of vanity, i think poor Vanity has suffered too much backlash from purists and those who are indignant. Concedingly, the official definition of vanity highlights an EXCESSIVE amount of pride and concern for one's appearance or abilities. However, when someone carries a comb/mirror about whereever she goes or when someone spends sometime putting on make-up before going out or when someone (aka I) get upset over my pimples - we are vain. Sometimes it is excessive, more often than not, it's not.
Now, in the first instance, i'm not contesting the right to call someone vain. i'm going a step further. i'm contesting the Dictionary. Vanity these days retains it's meaning but when used on GIRLS, the criterion of "excessiveness" has effectively been dropped.
Girls should look pretty/ presentable. no? Guys would definitely agree, no matter whether their preference is for:
1) make-up,
2) no make-up,
3) make-up but look like no make-up.
Girls, would also all agree. Except when they see a prettier girl.
so why oh why this rejection of a little Care for Appearance? why this impression that good girls should be plain faces in plain clothes?
i know. because the only reason a person would dress up, is to be noticed. is there anything useful or honourable in that?
but then again, if girls are to attract and be pursued, what is wrong with playing the part? if guys are primarily visual and natural pursuers, what is wrong with admiring a girl's appearance? if you take yourself back in time, this was the natural scheme of things! who says you must appreciate and love someone for "Who They Are". nonsense. Of coz that's an important part. but it's not the sole criteria.
unfortunately of coz, the tainting of the Pursuing game by unhealthy images has made us so fearful of attracting and being attracted. but why should we give up what was a natural game?
i was so perturbed a while ago when a few conversations triggered off an impression i had of myself as vain and hence worldly. i felt bad for wanting to be pretty.
oh well, it's not like anything's going to change. i genuinely lost a little interest in clothes and makeup. but at least now i don't have to doubt where i stand on this.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I find it funny how the internet gives everyone a voice. You have just crafted a beautiful case but anyone can just randomly put a one word senseless comment to detract you.
ReplyDeleteBut I shall answer intelligence with intelligencia.
You say, "girls are to attract and be pursued." That is true. At least a couple of years back when men were still considered the dominant race and a girl's purpose came as a result of a man.
But haven't things changed? With the paradigm shift towards an egalitarian heterosexual relationship, the notions of a woman being for the main purpose of attracting and being pursued are not as easy to substantiate.
In simple english... A woman's purpose and worth in society... is no longer supposed to be tied to a man.
Which leads us to a problem. If society is so strong about women's rights and their being equal to men, which warrants throwing out the traditional model of a woman needing to dress up for the sake of men (it's hardly the other way), then what and where is a woman to get her worth and purpose from? And unfortunately, as loud as the Feminist voice may be, they are divided over this answer.
One might say that by keeping a woman worried about (and thus distracted by) how she looks more than a man would, men can keep women from ever being their equals in the workplace, or for that matter, anywhere in society.
But this is just an essay I write on One point of yours, clearly showing how i have focused on that single point and taken it totally out of context. Wow it's so fun to use big words and sound intelligent. I can't do that on my blog. Kekekekek.
Okay you may now rebutt me with one word. The power of the internet.
i typed a comment and it wasnt published. im lazy to type again. just fyi
ReplyDeletetempted to write "kthxbye!" HAHAHAHA!
ReplyDeletehaha u sound feminist just! and i don't believe in feminism lorh. its so idealistic. i think the men around me are just really good men.so much so i dun feel the need to attack patriarchy. which is tantamount to attacking society. of which i cannot afford. because i have no better alternative to prescribe. which makes me wonder whether feminist really thought through the question of "What if?" properly before they launch their rampage.
i sound non-female. told u i'm secretly a boy.
btw, believe it or not, woman all long to be pursued. some claim to not want it because they are afraid they won't be. some seek to be pursued through other channels because they have experienced rejection before.i seriously doubt if any radical feminist is happy. picture a radical feminist in your head and you probably see a scowling, temperamental medusa (albeit, some might be quite gorgeous looking, but i bet they won't so when they were young)
what i contend with, however, is abuse of women. i don't need equality. men are not only meant to pursue women,they are meant to take care of them. be it their wives, sisters or friends. thats the way it was meant to be. i don't quite think i can look out for you as much as you look out for me, just.
there i go picking on One point of yours in return. and going off down a stream of consciousness on my own. HOHOHO. this could have been a whole separate blog.
RY!!! type again! i want to see ur very chim and possibly provocative views!
btw i don't agree that a girl's purpose comes from man. or that the fact that we want to attract equates to our parasitic existence to the male gender. why the need to equate "the Pursued" to "the Subordinate"? it's just merely a partnership. Of which the activity of pursuing is the firestarter.
ReplyDeletei once again emphasize, i'm not a feminist. but my starting point is, i don't believe females are subordinated in the first place.
Goodness gracious me, and i thought the only kind of intelligent conversation I could have with you consisted only one question of "who you like?"...
ReplyDeleteYes I have become feminist very much more than before. Our previous lecture on Gender in South East Asia had me concluding aloud that women in south east asia in the past were viewed as below a man. I knew of this concept but i guess i was not willing to accept it till now when all the evidence was proving it true.
But not to fear, there are many many camps in feminism and like women in general, they cannot agree with each other. Some say a women's worth is found in their being able to bare and breast-feed kids (which men cannot do) while others say that having children is men's way of keeping women from advancing in her career and thus they say no to kids (and sometimes abortion). So no fear for me being associated with feminist as they still don't have a central understanding.
(In other words I'm associating myself with nothing in particular. It just sounds cool to be feminist. Just Kidding! I'm just against the idea of women being of lower value than men, and on that note feminist can harmonize.)
But you mentioned that to reject patriarchy is to reject society? Is that really the case? In my understanding of modern society, to reject feminism is to reject society.
yesyesyes i agree that people shouldn't be afraid to include physical attraction in what they like about someone. anyway it'd just be stupid to leave that out, cos there'd be no difference between liking someone as a friend and as something else.(but sometimes for some people, somehow this physical attraction grows out of attraction to other characteristics that have nothing to do with appearance. i don't know how this works, it's such a mystery to me. but it happens.)
ReplyDeleteand yes most normal women want to be pursued. i would guess it's like how most normal men want to be admired as able and competent.
btw the bible seems to say some interesting stuff about women and appearances. which is probably where people got the "good girls should be in plain clothes with plain face" thing.
shrugs.
helloo friends!! legal theory is frying my brain and hence i've been taking long to reply.
ReplyDeletehey des, yea true. but i have a feeling we're not getting the whole picture because we tend to just focus on those few verses. im very sure God made woman to be physically attractive by virtue of our anatomy leh. perhaps, its only when ppl abuse the gift of attractiveness? As they would any other gift?
well just, i've learnt that society is inherently patriarchial. The marriage and family institution is clearly patriarchal. Legal concepts are patriarchal. (Eg. Marital rape is not a crime). so on and so forth. Indeed these might be changing. But change cannot erase history. History remains a part of now. Memories can never be erased. Patriarchy is entrenched.
i see some idealism in that argument myself, hence, i think perhaps i also have certain beliefs that inform my view on this matter. the attitude and variations and unfocused lashing out of feminists have made me very biased against their views and methodology. I, as a female, would not like to be looked down upon. ANd i would retaliate (or at least fume in silence) if someone attempts to trod on my autonomy. But that doesn't make me feminist. Isn't the fact that someone is taking my gender as a reason to "look down" on me just one of the many reasons to do exactly that? they could take my grades, my hair, my creative mp3, anything they want to insult me what. so apprently, "gender" is that person's problem, not mine. I really believe there's a place and role for woman and man. Women are really helpers, but somehow, the word "helper" has been itnerpreted to be of a lower class.
oh man im rambling on and on and i need to do my readings sorry, continue soon again, kthxbye.
@ desiree, i think i shall post something about physical attraction on my blog, and how the type of girls that catch my attention has developed based on my moviestar likings. But that will come later.
ReplyDelete@Kim I see the exceptions in things and hope that by being an excpetion, a trailblazer, that someday exceptions become definitions (the norm){i think this is what becky was trying to imply on your book}. I want to do something very radical with my marriage... but i really need to be sure that the deviance I'm doing is still something radically biblical. So I shall continue in my study of gender, and in the process learn what is it really about being a man.
Which at the moment is all about protecting girls from lizards. Or snails, butterflies etc for that matter.
side note to kim's comment: i think it's extremely stupid that marital rape is not a crime. like REALLY REALLY stupid. and unfair. of course i'm aware of the other complications that might arise out of criminalising it, but i don't care. it's STUPID.
ReplyDeletethat's all.