just like that, it was a good day

have u ever had the experience of listening to one of your favourite songs of the moment, thinking of the lyrics and wishing something would happen in accordance to it.

i did.

adelaide here i come

u know how some ppl have a Theme Song for their life?

i think, i have a Theme Drama.

DREAMHIGH!

how coincidental

isn't my church the sweetest.

whywhywhy did u have to say what u did

soSOsoSOsoSOsoSO irritated by a comment about my appearance.

SO IRRITATING.

u should never make a cultural-contextually-degrading comment on a girl's appearance. =(

I'M SO IRRITATED.

when am i going to get over this toooooooooooo.

i think both are related

when am i going to be good at and unembarrassed by what i like.

i have a problem

2 nights ago, i had a sudden urge to dance before i slept. it was about 1am and i was already lying in bed with the lights off. I was totally awake and itching to dance. But i very practically and sagely told myself, it could wait till the next day for i needed sleep.

so after fidgeting for a long while, i finally fell aslp.

and danced in my dreams.

i woke up and i was amazed. coz i actually danced according to the dance steps i knew in my dream. with abit of modification of course, i have no idea why dreams ALWAYS modifies your knowledge - ppl's faces, names, situations - always kenna changed about in your dreams.

but i actually heard the song in my dream and danced closely to the original steps. AND i remembered it vividly when i awoke.

i think i must have really, really wanted to dance just before i slept.

my talent for getting distracted

oh terrible terrible!!!! i stayed up to watch a drama till this late!!!!!

tml. i have to go to the library to study. if not, confirm i WON'T!

love struck by love again.

i thought i got over love stories since last year.

APPARENTLY NOT!

*sigh* when will the day come when i become a cool, un-sappy, untouched by romance type of girl. that type of girl, SO COOL RIGHT! wahlao sia. i want.

i''m seriously aging

i turned on mtv today for the 1st time today in a few years and kenna culture shock. i can't believe i used to watch this daily in secondary school. HAHA.

and i'm no saint. i actually really like many thrashy songs. Womanizer by Britney Spears, Like a G6 (this song makes me so pumped up!), I Know You Want Me by Pitbull - they were ALL my favourite songs at one point of time or another.

but i need to close my eyes when i watch their mvs. (actually Womanizer's mv is quite entertaining lah).

i've talked with ppl, smsed ppl and prayed more tonight den any other slack night of mine.

and yet i completed my assignment.

my time is REALLLYYYY being expanded. it's magical. God, ur amazing.

(i'm kinda tired though. my head is aching. i think i shouldn't start on my revision tonight, right?)

my 1st time writing a love letter.

my all went into it.

i don't know how Justin does things like these on a regular basis.

i keep on having these really freakish dreams.

just 4 nights ago, i dreamt i was friends with a sociopathic child/teenager who murdered someone before. And for some strange reason, he seemed to trust me and hence, i always tried to calm him down when he got into his angry moods. But the question weighing on the back of my mind all the time when i was with him was "When is he going to stop trusting me and liking me? When am i gonna be his next victim?"

scary stuff.

Just last night, i dreamt i had a bruise on the front of my forehead. so i tried to rub it. and horror or horrors, the skin came off. and it revealed my brain. and i walked around with a hole in my head and sore red skin all around. i was so freaked out in the dream.

i think, these all originated from my encounter with that girl in my language class. i kid you not. i need healing.

complain queen

i'm in pain all over. =(

my tummy.

my mouth.

my heart.

my daily getting-ready-for-school regime has increased by 15 minutes thanks to the many things i have to put on my face and IN my face (i.e. retainers).

however, i'm quite enjoying this short paper i have to do on my Mommy and Daddy. Sounds like primary school essay right.... Macham "Who is Your Hero?"

Nope.

It's about marriage, work, family and their spillovers into one another's lives. I get to act bigshot and interview them and mix it all up into a 300-500 word essay. shiok.

i'm knowing more about them than they know themselves.

my friends are hating on it though.

i'm writing here to forget that i'm in pain all over. =(

On vday, I

1.30pm: Didn't feel like gymming.

2.00pm: Smiled to my eye-candy of yesteryears. He waved back and said "Hey."

2.30pm: Studied Work and Family nonsense.

• Eg. of how ridiculous this course it: "Appropriate Usgae of Technologies = Making sure you have some time to sleep" I totally had to take a university course to learn this intelligent, enlightening fact.

2.30pm: Had Taylor Swift songs running through my head.

6.00pm: ATTACK PANCAKES!

speaking about Valentines

i had a terrible, TERRIBLE experience in sec3/4. It was TERRIBLE!

no, it was not a date.

yes, i got a present

but the boy played me out and gave my friend a present too. and more expensive and shiok somemore. WAHLAO RIGHT.

but now the boy is my friend lah. hope i didn't accidentally give him this blog add. after he see already, paisei.

But just in case i did, I FORGIVE YOU! =D

encountered an ultra scary girl in class.

death stares directed at me for minutes on end.

raised her voice and told off my friend in the middle of class.

later on, turned to sweetly ask me if i'm Singaporean and when i said yes, muttered under her breath: "oh... no wonder..."

i'm so scared now.

dry humour

Me: "Your hair is so dry."

Cool Friend: "Ya. Everytime i come to this class, it's like that."

the sobering fact that i'm no longer 16

oh my goodness me. Work and Family is making me worry that i'll never get married OR have children.

HORROR TTM

Worst Pick Up Lines

STORY #1

Cute Friend: "You know how i first met this guy (i.e. Funny Friend)??? Ridiculous. Tell Kim the story."

Funny Friend and Cute Friend then re-enact the scene

Funny Friend goes up to her and asked her: "Hi. Are you Jia Yi (i.e. another schoolmate)?"

Cute Friend: "No, i'm not jiayi."

Funny Friend: "Oh ok."

Funny Friend walks away and returns 3 seconds later.

Funny Friend, while extending his hand: "Hi anyway, i'm George."

After enacting out the scene, Cute Friend: "And you know what he told me after that? He said he thought i was Jia Yi coz he heard she was short."

STORY #2

Friend: "You know how i got together with my ex girlfriend? i went up to her and asked her if she was my cousin. when she said 'no,' i then explained to her that it was because she looked like my aunty."

STORY #3

Funny Friend: "Do you know how this girl (i.e. Smart Girl) first said hello to me? She suddenly came up to me and said: 'Hi. I heard you are Ben's friend. Can i be your friend too?'"

Smart Girl: "NOOOOO. Ben told me to come up to you and say those words. So i did!"

--------

you know, i'm not one to attend my schoolmates' gatherings coz i don;t exactly gel with them (or at least, never made much of an effort to)

but i knew tonight, i should go.

The harvest field is ripe, for one final term. Harvesting is one of the few far and between reasons/purposes i could discern of me being in this terribly, utterly scary course of mine. But to harvest and live up to such purpose, i need to first be in the field.

and there you have it, i actually enjoyed myself. i actually did not want to leave. I can't decide whether to be surprised that i actually got along fine with these ppl OR NOT to be surprised since i already roughly knew this was the correct decision to make.

i've wasted so much time in law school. i've wasted the opportunity to build up important skills and pools of knowledge with my stubborn, illogical mindsets. i've wasted the opportunity to build meaningful friendships with both christians and non-christians.

last sem - God, work Your magic.

making public, my sin

It’s terrible how distracted I’ve been. A word came very strongly to me last night… it was something that was said at one of our sessions with the youth (or a few sessions that repeated the same thing) where we were discussing what our priorities were and whether we were focusing on Christ…

You can easily tell by what occupies your thoughts a large amt of the time.

Embarrassingly, it’s been Suju and this one particular guy I really like. I admire him and he makes me laugh. And watching videos of him tickles me and mesmerizes me and I forget about EVERYTHING around me. It’s terrible and so so so lame.

And i've been thinking.... why does a 23 year old girl still act like a teenager (and i'm not even trying ok). And this is what i came up with. I think I’m one really prone to having idols in my life.

Because I LOVE recognition. and these idols are RECOGNIZED for certain things i realized i want to be recognized in me. Like a fellow suju fan in school told me:

"You know, it's not even about wanting to be WITH them. I want to be LIKE them. I rather be them than ME."

Ok like i'm not so emo. But i think i am echoing off similar attitudes. Recognition is my absolute weakness, my Achilles heel. Entice me a little with hopes of an award or medal plate, stroke my ego a little and watch me become crazy obsessed. I’m like the Mickey Mouse I saw at my 7 month old distant cousin’s house yesterday, responding to a tap on his foot with predictable and ridiculously retard behaviour.

It’s a really huge struggle at this point of time because I’m so free and yet I’m not. Free in the sense that there’s the CNY mood and smell of Slack in the air. My daddy keeps blasting Korean songs at a volume loud enough for the whole block to hear. And since everyone is slacking, I also slack lah. Go watch more videos. And YET I do have better things to do.

• Reading the Bible and Praying (I’ve tried to keep up to this but I can tell there’s a little lack of fervour and a HUGE lack of focus from previously)
• · Reading newspaper
• · Study French/Korean
• · Play piano/guitar
• · Watch nigahiga

I remember a very godly friend telling me 4 weeks ago about her obsession with this particular drama. In that she had to watch one episode everyday. When she shared with me, I kept quiet. I couldn’t respond. And I knew why. Coz I was so prone to doing what she does. And I know if I told her what I knew was correct… I would have to hold myself accountable to the same standard that I preached. And so i did not utter a word.

But day after day, the Holy Spirit kept bugging me to tell my friend that she had to stop because it was severely distracting her. So I dragged my feet in doing so. By the time I told her about a week later, she replied me that she had already restrained herself knowing that it was distracting her. And it was extremely painful.

It is my turn to do so. Ouch. God pls teach me how to refrain/restrain and focus my eyes on You and Your Holiness. Keep me from doing it in my own strength which a prideful, stubborn girl like me is so prone to do. Help me not to do anything or watch anything that would trigger of my obsession. Refine me.