love story of my dreams

i was waiting for her in the girl's bunk. i wanted to tell her we were sleeping communally in the main hall tonight. though i had a sensing she did not want to join us.

i looked around. the girl's bunk was lit with a starking white fluorescent lighting. clothes and cloth hung everywhere. the air felt a bit damp.

in walked She with Jack by her side. He had walked her back.

my heart plunged.

After declining to join us, she told Jack to walk me back. He obliged coz that's just the sort of guy he is.

we walked. and we saw a spinning carousel on strings. before i knew it, we were on. not just Jack and I, but a group of us. the carousel had different shaped seats for you to sit at different angles. i was on the flat piece and hence was lying on my tummy. Jack was right behind me.

the carousel went round and round. first a light breeze. and then, it got stronger and stronger.

we were going faster and faster.

i squealed in delight. for a moment, elation filled my simple unable-to-multi-task mind. i forgot the numbness of denial. i forgot the peculiar emptiness of losing what i never possessed.

the carousel moved in an oscillating motion. and hence every plunged brought my seat close to the ground. since i was on my tummy, the faster we went, the more it felt like i was going to slam my face on the ground with every downward movement of the machine.

the faster it went, the more fearful i got. but the more excited as well.

the shouts soon turned to screams. i could sense we were all getting scared, but far to excited to stop it. anyway, what could we have done to stop the carousel?

soon, the carousel got too fast and its top flew off.

before i knew it, we were all standing side by side laughing from post-excitement of the exhilarating ride. i had so much fun. i was giggling so hard. feeling so high. i felt Jack look at me. but i didn't look back. i didn't dare look at him.

i carried on giggling.

and then, he took my hand and held it.

i finally looked at him and smiled. i was not very much surprised, though the move made my heart soar for just a moment.

but the numbness seeped back. it seeped into that moment of happiness, making it a weird concoction of contradictory feelings. i knew it was only a hand of friendship. i could not dare to hope for more as i have done before.

George started making coo-ing noises and teasing us as he saw us holding hands. hearing this, i smiled at George, and took his hand too. just to show him it was only a hand of friendship.

just to show me, it was only a hand of friendship.

and then i awoke. and immediately wished i could have at least held on to his hand for a while longer while i was still sleeping.