and i really felt useless and impaired, like a handicap. and i entertained the thought for a few days that i was merely being realistic. this is it. this is life. get on with it.
but today, i was given a response to my thursday post,
"For i delight in loyalty rather than sacrifice,
and in the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings."
I keep trying to offer meat, but i'm really just a potato farmer.
I keep trying to offer 1million kgs worth of potatos, when my potato field is actually only the size of my bedroom.
and in doing all this, i keep pushing myself. like i am good enough. like i have the potential to be good enough, all on my own.
even harvesting potatos is not dependant on me. all it needs is a hailstorm just before havesting session, den GONE.
In all my sacrifices, i still depend on the one whom i'm sacrificing to even make that sacrifice.
When i inherited the potato farm i was delighted. and doing the work was good. reaping the harvest was good. i love potatos. can cook fries. but, somewhere along the way of being enthusiastic and joyful in my relationship with the Lord, i began to start pushing myself to go further, to harvest more, and stopped trusting, instead, in Him to bring me further
In all my sacrifices, i depend on the one whom i'm sacrificing to even make that sacrifice. everything i have, my passions, desires and skills, come from the Lord. i bought into the worldly perception that i have to REALIZE my POTENTIAL by shortening speed-to-market time with optimal skills ready for use. but will not a Realized Potential also come to naught when i go to heaven?
i always forget the goodness of my Lord. but He never fails to remind me.
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