My life is a like a fleeting dream.

Little events.

No.

Significant events.

Pop up.

And then,

Your life is no longer the same colour.

Your glasses are no longer the same degree.

Your camera no longer points at the same angle.

The weather feels different. Your skin clings to you in a different way.

You are the same. Yet you are now completely different.

Why is that so?

undeserved

eye to eye.

i couldn't look.

i couldn't speak.

i choked. emotionally, more than physically.

the words spilled out clumsily like coffee on a shaking table.

they were strung together in all the wrong ways.

i wanted to repeat what i said to clarify and make clear what i meant. to justify myself. to patch the wound my words were re-opening and inflicting at the same time.

yet i wanted to shut myself up. to take it all back.

to stop and forget.

and yet, i never found the rejection i so feared.

i found grace - a display of God's grace, so deep and so healing.

i had advocacy training 2 days ago

Boy, was it fun.

I got to be a lawyer, with little responsibility.

Making arguments in court.

Cross-examining witnesses.

Even, being a difficult witness.

Very glam. With little sweat.

But i realized, i just can't be bitchy enough.

thank God. What a good problem to have.