This is a story about a boy who does not have my blog address.

He was fair, slightly chubby and geeky. He was artistic, a slacker and hilarious.

He burnt a cd for my birthday and gave it to me anonymously.

He heard me snoring on the phone late one night during one of our long phone chats after he came back from using the washroom.

He never asked me out. We were never together.

He moved on, to his longstanding crush of 5 years.

We did not talk for 2 years.

And then, he returned.

And we were close for a season, following a particularly difficult period of mine.

We had common interests - shopping, singing, eating, good music. We had a common past.

He baked me cookies. He fetched me around. He thought my bag looked cool and on that exclamation, insisted on carrying it for me.

He had a beaming smile and smiley eyes that shone almost 90% of the time. He walked in shuffling manner, with drooped shoulders. He was gentle and sometimes shy.

We shared alittle more with each other about the 2 years when we didn't talk. He sheepishly but honestly revealed to me some of the things he was more ashamed of doing and thinking. I can still remember what he said. I can still remember how he said these smiling a little and looking to the ground, not wanting to really look me in the eye.

and den, he left. or i left. thank God. He isn't Christian. He's now attached.

i loved the idea of him. but he's no longer what i'm looking for.

(((PS: To my 2 friends who knows who he is... SHHHH pls don't telllll!!!! )))

Korea taught me about slim toned bods.

Hong Kong taught me about flawless skin.

The Tan Family taught me about the joy of shopping till you're dropping.

Cheryl taught me about pretty nails.

God (through FF) taught me about Christ-centredness.

im a crybaby.

Bye friends. =) HONGKONG HERE I COME!!!

k dramas

once u start, u can't stop.

TERRIBLE.

janggeunseok's smile is to die for.

my real name is kimberly potter

i've not watched a more disturbing and burdensome movie than HP7: Part 1 this year.

i think it's almost as killer as the sappy, depressing k drama i watched 1 year back within the span of 3 days where Rain sets himself up to bewitch the lady whom he thought caused his brother's vegan state but ended up falling in love with her, finding out it's not her fault, driving her mad and into depression and eventually, both dying for no rhyme or reason in each other's arms.

i really love harry potter. i never imagined it's story could be so dark on the silver screen, not even when i read the book.

amazing.

u know how i always talk nonsense right?

i'm waiting for the day when someone would unlock my mind. someone with whom my thoughts flow free and pure and deep.

i'm waiting for the day when someone would reflect me like a mirror.

waiting.

i dreamt this before watching harry potter

i had another dream last night.

i dreamt my rich friend had a bed that would drop from the ceiling.

and she kept a purple rhinoceros in her house. it chased me for latter 75% of the dream all around school, everywhere.

there were so many people, i don't know why it chose to only hunt me down.

i distinctively remember Leon's voice in the dream telling me not to turn to the right because that was where the rhino would target. i turned to the right anyway.

maybe thats why it chased after me.

i ran and ran all about school. and the school had so many hidden corridors, it was amazing.

after running for what felt like half an hour, i realized the purple rhino was probably picking my scent and hence i never seemed to loss him. i decided, i would run out of school.

by this time, the purple rhino had turned from an animal the size of 10 human beings to just a really ugly monster that was slightly bigger than the average person.

i ran out of school and tried to flag down a cab. none were stopping.

so i hopped onto the top of one like i see action stars do in blockblusters. even in my dreams, i remained down-to-earth about my physical incapabilities - i totally had difficulty holding on.

but i clinged on for dear life anyway, hoping that the speed at which the taxi was going and the intercepting wind would blow the rhino off my scent.

i woke up impressed at how much stamina and speed i had in my dream.

EUNHYUK

I may have aged but i'll never tire of you.

since one hour before i awoke today, i've been feeling rather itchy at the top left of my throat.

crap, falling ill.

-----

i've found the answer to my Suju Woes. I just appreciate how they can be so crazy hardworking, yet have so much fun at the same time.

nice.

suju woes

i can't decide if i'm outgrowing super junior or whether i still think they are one of the best live performers ever.

i don't want to play any longer. i would like to move along. but unfortunately, it's like a psp game without a Save button.

now now now now now i'm feelin so fly, like a g6

오늘은 부토 항국어으로 쓰 blog post 예요. 오늘은 하루종일 놀예요! 와오!! 오랜 시간이 오늘은 제미기 놀는 것 같 수 없어. 지금 부토, 저는 영국어으로 쓰예요. 항국어으로 노무 어랴워요, 쓰기 까지 미첬어. 저는 완전 noob.

i totally just typed the above paragraph on my own! took me 20mins HAHA. especially the 4th sentence - grammar is madness. who cares if nobody understands korean, yay i have an avenue to practice! (though writing it out is way easier, but i too eng ah, can afford time to do this sort of stuff.

anyway, it's been a long time since i've had so much fun in a day GOING OUT! for close friends, u know its not my thang to hang out all day, bumming around, shopping (NO SO TIRING). i cannot lah. im very easily bored and picky about company.

but today was fun. went out with tingting and sue jen, 2 lovely girls from my uni. both cute in rather different ways.

Ting is my personal Ah Lian poet.

she says random stuff like "You are like the bubbles in my Christmas Tree." and our classic joke "Do i look like an ong lai (i.e. pineapple)/ currypuff?" i usually don't understand what she means. but its amusing anyhow.

today she was telling me about alternative modeling where you pose under the table and anywhere u want with anything u like for non-commercial purposes.

she's delightfully strange. yet very pure. like her skin. fair and white - a sharp contras with her black straight hair.

knowing she was a goth queen, i wore all black today to match her. but this girl, being all "head over heels in love" dressed in a shu nu peasant, frilly type of white shirt with a modest jeans skirts and sneakers. for once i looked like a bad girl, and she the good girl.

now for my dear Jen, one of my pillars in law sch, she's a testament to the saying "the best gifts come in small packages." tiny and adorable, she was one of my Goals in law sch -

Goal #1: Must get close to Sue Jen.

as STRANGE and LESBO as that sounds - it's not leh. i just really saw how cute, bubbly and sincere she was to her friends. her energy is infectious. adorbs but wise. gorgeous but modest. she's the cream of the crop of all friends and of all girls.

we spent a lunch where they gave me a peptalk and stressed me out a bit. HAHA. but i quickly moved on frm being stressed to just drifting around. p

after that, i went on to get a drink and laze about while waiting to catch a movie with des. some disturbing jap thriller which was quite interesting and didn't quite creep me out as some other thrillers i watched - partly coz im not really putting my mind to the events that occurred (and my mind was traumatized by other things). it's just dark, i'm almost tempted to believe it's general thesis on the human heart. but cannot lah. i'll die of depression.

den after that i went on to the "highlight" of the day - meeting a bunch of friends i was not very close to. abit unwilling to... i was there to spend time with a friend who i held dear. it turned out awesome. a homecooked meal, conversations, mahjong. i felt more comfortable than i've ever been with a clique i thought i didn't click with.

it was a gd day. =)

ATTACK OF THE SLACK!

gaaahhh i'm now too lazy to even pick up my korean book. NOT GOOD.

gogogo!

which is not a good thing

too goodlooking guys are too goodlooking.

and im not talking about the exams

ok praypraypraypraypray.

Memory and Imagination meet.

and your voice,

utters 5 words.

it is not a whisper,

yet i've never heard a thing gentler.

than these.

it's haunting.

i'm amazed at how many direct buses i have to every place i need to go in S'pore:

Sch - 7

Language Sch - 7

Ubi - 51.

Supreme Court - 51.

Previous internship place - 33 +++

Church - 33.

Beach - 33.

Serangoon - 100.

Teoheng - 32

Raffles Towns Club - forgot what bus no.

Future work place - 100

Parkway parade - 31, 197

the coolest, smartest chick in school ever told me "All roads lead to Australia."

I think all roads lead to Kallang.

i think im quite bored. i rarely get this distracted by facebook. and i rarely blog this much.

mummy don't scold me pls, i know you read my blog

i think i'm quite selfish.

a youth asked me to purchase a $200+ ticket online for her.

i said yes but felt a little stressed out. after i buy for her. i'll have a 2 digit figure left in my savings acct.

it's things like these that trigger of the worst in me and make me aware of how much more i still need to grow.

i hope i dream a sequel tonight where i meet Draco Malfoy

ok so Mergers and Acquisitions is DOWN like the economy. but that's not important.

i dreamt i was evil last night. THE HORROR. i was cowardly, unsettledly and reluctantly evil though.

i dreamt Lord Voldemort was trying to recruit me into his army. apparently i had some secret powers that he found useful. and it also helped that i was a girl (the Lord Voldemort in my dreams really liked girls, which i inferred from the fact that most of his minions in my dreams were girls).

he was kind enough to give me a deadline to get back to him with a kind promise of certain death and torture if i declined and so i was TERRIFIED as the minutes ticked up, inching closer towards the deadline. i thought of my mummy and daddy. and i thought of my friends at Hogwarts (HAHAHAHA).

i tried to run. and i ran by going to the top level of Parkway Parade. when the clock struck the deadline, i expected Armageddon. but no. Nothing. and so i exited the top level of parkway parade, thinking i would run away, hopefully, undetected through the carpark.

but there she was waiting, one of his minions. just a normal girl. rather cute. now that i think of it, she kinda reminded me of little red riding hood.

Next scene, i was in some school where tons of other kids/youths/young adults were. all recruited by LV (typing out his full name makes me so paisei). i guess i had said yes, i would join. Louelle was there also. thank God i'm no the only evil one.

and there begun my career as a Minion.

we gathered to have some sort of wizard match. as i got my wand ready, i realized i knew no spells. (the last time i read Harry Potter was like, before uni) except maybe Wingardium Leviosa. i was so afraid LV would be displeased. he was watching.

the campus was rather nice. i only remember our hostels. there were 2 kinds. One was an older, more run-down but still pleasant looking communal hostel where everyone's beds lined up with one another. The older students who have been around for a while all lived. The newer campuses had posh, luxe rooms with velvety beds and curtains - one student to one room. However, there was a rumour going around that students living in those rooms were closely watched by hidden video cams. what more, who wanted to be ALONE when ur living near LV RIGHT??? oh my goodness, if he ava kedava-ed me in a single-student room, i sure die. but if he did it in a communal room, maybe he would misfire and hit someone else instead. and so i ended up in te communal room.

after living there for a while, i think i became a spy. because one day, when it was pass curfew time. i found myself returning to the campus by a dark empty room via Flo powder with a friend. when we exited the room. there was a prefect near us. OH MY GOODNESS WE WERE SO SCARED OF GETTING CAUGHT. but we weren't. we sneaked back successfully into the hostel.

and den i woke up, wondering what day it was and being a alittle blur as usual when i have vivid dreams. i wondered why i even dreamt of this when wasn't even thinking of Harry Potter when i went to slp. i think my innate desire to watching HP7 is getting the better of me.

when i went to sch today, i saw the poster for HP7 in Kallang MRT. and i wondered to myself, what would Harry Potter have done if he were in my shoes last night? He wouldn't have said yes to LV. =( oh, the shame.

it was about Lord Voldemort

im dying to blog about my dream last night. quickquickquick exam over in 3 hours time!!!

u would think that someone who has grown would grow out of her old ways.

i sometimes wish surrendering was a one off event - having to surrender again and again is so so painful.

but my God is good. He makes me aware. and He gives me the strength to persevere, in trust and in hope.

stopstopstopnownownow

this is terrible!

i can't get over it!

it's a vicious cycle!

stop. STOP.

i think blogging is my stress coping mechanism

today, was the day my teacher got married.

and henceforth, planning for marriage begins. esp with one particular good good friend of mine who kept sparking of thoughts i never put my mind to before.

"Eh. What wedding dress would you like to wear ah? Ruffled sleeves?"

errr i dunno! long train!

"Why the wedding no bridesmaid! Eh next time your wedding must have 3 bridesmaid - Amanda, Horsie and I."

i replied: " OK!!! pick me to be urs too!!!"

and den i got really excited. i think im more excited about being a bridesmaid den a bride. HAHAHA.

"OK now all set. damn, we just need the boy now. so slow."

teehee. talking about weddings make me kinda ticklish.

and Taylor Swift isnt helping matters. BFF introduced to me this crazy funny song that induces happy hormones in my blood. YOU MUST READ IT AND HEAR IT AND LAUGH!

(unfortunately cannot find an uncheesy performance of the song=( )

I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in
On a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl

I sneak in and see your friends
And her snotty little family
All dressed in pastel

And she is yelling at a bridesmaid
Somewhere back inside a room
Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry

This is surely not
What you thought it would be
I lose myself in a daydream
Where I stand and say:

Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said "speak now"

Fond gestures are exchanged
And the organ starts to play
A song that sounds like a death march

And I am hiding in the curtains
It seems I was uninvited
By your lovely bride-to-be

She floats down the aisle
Like a pageant queen
But I know you wish it was me
You wish it was me, don't you?

Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said "speak now"

Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow
Your time is running out
And they said, "speak now"

Ooh, la, oh
Ooh, ooh

I hear the preacher say
"Speak now or forever hold your peace"
There's a silence, there's my last chance
I stand up with shaking hands, all eyes on me

Horrified looks from
Everyone in the room
But I'm only looking at you

I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in
On a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl

So don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said, "speak now"

And you say
Let's run away now
I'll meet you when
I'm out of my tux at the back door

Baby, I didn't say my vows
So glad you were around when they said
"Speak now"

She's now made objecting to marriages fashionable. i was giggling to myself today as i sat on the aisle and thought of this song. maybe i should do it to my ex-crushes when they invite me to their weddings HAHAHA.

But the pressing question at the end of this post is: If Taylor's boy is not the kind boy to be marrying the wrong girl, which boy is?

so many things are making me sad tonight (parang incident, ticket woes). there ends my week's joyride.=(

im angstily trying to sell my mnet tickets now. SO STUPID. im soooo tired of kpop tonight.

bleargh.

i like my name

my name, so pretty.

i dreamt i consumed a whole bar of chocolate last night. the horror.

terrible

u did this to me more than a year back before.=(

u tell me how?

my networking life

my networking life starts NOW.

received a call from a lawyer at my previous internship place asking to go for wine after my exams.

going for my future firm's dinner function at raffles towns club later.

im 22, going on 23. D=

my heart can take more

the magnitude and shelf-life of the disorientation has minimized substantially.

table in the wilderness

this week felt like a wilderness. (it seems like every PMS period is a wilderness) but i was really lost. and discouraged.

and i really felt useless and impaired, like a handicap. and i entertained the thought for a few days that i was merely being realistic. this is it. this is life. get on with it.

but today, i was given a response to my thursday post,

"For i delight in loyalty rather than sacrifice,

and in the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings."

I keep trying to offer meat, but i'm really just a potato farmer.

I keep trying to offer 1million kgs worth of potatos, when my potato field is actually only the size of my bedroom.

and in doing all this, i keep pushing myself. like i am good enough. like i have the potential to be good enough, all on my own.

even harvesting potatos is not dependant on me. all it needs is a hailstorm just before havesting session, den GONE.

In all my sacrifices, i still depend on the one whom i'm sacrificing to even make that sacrifice.

When i inherited the potato farm i was delighted. and doing the work was good. reaping the harvest was good. i love potatos. can cook fries. but, somewhere along the way of being enthusiastic and joyful in my relationship with the Lord, i began to start pushing myself to go further, to harvest more, and stopped trusting, instead, in Him to bring me further

In all my sacrifices, i depend on the one whom i'm sacrificing to even make that sacrifice. everything i have, my passions, desires and skills, come from the Lord. i bought into the worldly perception that i have to REALIZE my POTENTIAL by shortening speed-to-market time with optimal skills ready for use. but will not a Realized Potential also come to naught when i go to heaven?

i always forget the goodness of my Lord. but He never fails to remind me.

it's highly likely that im an extrovert.

i just realized today that i talk very loudly. =X

it's my alien friend's influence, confirm.

angels walk alongside me on this broken road.

every night is a nightmare.

every morning is a newday.

every moment spent with family is a blessing.

it's so unfortunate that what i love to do best is dance. =( what do u want me to do with this LORD???????????? WHAT?

or rather what else am i good at!!!! what do u want me to do!!!! TELL ME AND I'LL RUN THERE!!!!

or are some ppl just meant to do things they don't really love, forever. and ever. and ever. and ever.

i am grateful for what i have. but i want to do something useful and of worth as well, u know? something i can really contribute in? i don't want to forever be a jack of all trades.

if i'm harbouring ungratefulness in me, show me Lord. dispel it and lead me in your way. make me an effective servant for you. and not let anything hinder your work in me. not even myself.

and plsss tell me what u want me to do with this life of mine. pls put it to good use. i can't stand it wasting away.

thanks kev

"No matter how ugly or broken you think you are, remember that God wove you into being. He thought of you, and you were." - kevin 280610

i always have exciting dreams

i woke up feeling rather heavy - and immediately bounced up out of bed coz i remembered vaguely hearing my alarm go off a long LONG time ago. overslept 50mins.

i was feeling rather lost and blur - more so than usual although those are part of my personality traits HAHA. and this sensation of being half-present, half-absent on this planet usually happens when i have really vivid dreams.

asides from the fact that i dreamt i was good friends with an SNSD girl

i also went on an escapade with a guy who got charged for murder but was innocent. i think i was trying to help absolve him of liability or something coz i believed in him. macham kdrama.

but the one scene i remember really well is when we were driving in the car. he was at the wheel. i was in the front seat. and i remembered there was a point of time when i suddenly wanted to hold his hand and we ended up doing so, rather naturally but by accident. he fidgeted, not knowing what to do. we stayed there for a few seconds. and den he told me he didn't really want to hold hands and i removed my hand apologizing, not feeling awkward at all and telling him he had really smooth hands HAHA.

but the most vivid thing wasn't what was said. it was how his hands felt. they looked skinny and long, but they were big enough to envelope mine. his palm was super smooth. his skin was cold. it was not a hand i've held before

and i could almost remember his face. it was skinny. he was fair. his eyes were quite big. and he was not my type. absolutely not. he had some sort of ah beng look. though he was gentle. it was not a face i've seen before.

i liked the feeling of holding hands quite a bit, i think!

and i just realized that the guy sounds like a vampire.

proof that i'm really 12, not 22

Bangs.

my favouritest bedsheet of all time

anbc origami paper.

A kid's work of art.

purple braces.

zipai

HILARIOUSSSS

i received a confession of love in my mailbox today.

esthergabar "failed" in love with me through seeing my email address today. and she believes that love has no "color, economical and educational barrier."

i was just thinking of this friend who used to make me feel so inferior.

she really has the x-factor. she could have been a superstar.

i wonder whether it was my fault or her fault that i felt so lousy around her.

my love language ran dry

"kim, i must share with u how God blessed me yesterday. I've never felt so loved!"

my dear friend shared.

"wow, i'e felt this experience only once ever. and that was 2 years back."

my dear friend, could u lay ur hands on me and give me that experience u had?

we walked, the 3 of us. and talked. it tooked us 2 hours to get to dhoby ghaut mrt station when it usually took 5 minutes.

i shared with them. and den my friend, she did it.

"kim. you know, i must affirm you."

3 sentences in, and i cried.

i thank God for sending friends. and for sending assurance and love to a selfish, childish soul like mine.

i always wanted a song written with my name in it.

Like Carol,

or Amanda.

the first i found was called Kimberly's Ghost.

sadness ttm.

on the condition that he doesn't write a song dissing me when we break up

i want a boyfriend like Taylor Swift.

i've played the nice girl, the bimbo, the fierce "lawyer", the idealist, the alien.

but, i've never played this role before. it's interesting. and quite tragic.

HAHAHAHA

Sms from one of the girls: "Hey kim are you free to talk? Can i call you after i shit?"

my goodness. i feel so free and available today.

i'm using facebook effectively and replying wallposts efficiently.

i've replied all my smses (except ron's yesterday, which is an impt msg, which i will reply to after typing this blog)

i didn't do any work after coming home!

i packed my room spontaneously (at least 5% of it)

so nice and free.

met another crazy-cool woman on friday. she isn't the magical age of 26 as the previous 2 ladies were, but she sure looks like it.

she came from a family of doctors. decided she wanted to go law school and told the profs during the interview that she wanted to come to law school because: "I don't believe in paying someone to tell me what my rights are." and den followed it up with saying: "So, are you going to take me or not?"

nearing graduation, she went for an interview with one of the large-medium sized firms in Singapore and told them her 5 year game plan to make partner.

she was crazy focused. sophisticated. determined. pretty. confident.

coolness ttm.

but that particularly encounter had unhealthy aftereffects on me.

awesome women

hey ya'll. i've been waiting for this, this, this!!!!

http://www.singaporelawwatch.sg/remweb/legal/ln2/rss/judgment/11543.html?utm_source=web%20subscription&utm_medium=web&title=Lee%20Shieh-Peen%20Clement%20and%20another%20v%20Ho%20Chin%20Nguang%20and%20others%20[2010]%20SGCA%2034

Worked on this case when i was on internship at Colin Ng and Partners and i was the one taking the minutes and WE WOOONNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (not that our winning had anything to do with our minutes or that i even contributed in any substantive way)

and get this. it was a Court of Appeal case (Highest Court in the WWS i.e. World-Wide-Singapore). the lawyer who fought the case was my roomie for 2 weeks (or rather, i barged into her personal space during the internship and received free entertainment from her). the lawyer has 2 kids, is pregnant and is only 26. and she's FEMALE! although i think the fact that she's 26 and pregnant makes it alot cooler. she was the first among her peers to fight a CoA case.

oh. my. goodness.

so cool right. she's as cool as my 26 year old Prof who looks like a Girl's Generation Member.

I KIDD YOU NOT! of coz her eye bags (i.e. My PROF not the lawyer) are alittle darker and she's a little curvier. and she's not just cool coz she's pretty. she's BRILLIANT. when she was teaching me an unfathomable subject a year back, she was an associate in a law firm AND teaching as an adjunct faculty of, and i repeat, an UNFATHOMABLE SUBJECT, as her hobby. AND she could answer ANY question we threw at her. she was crazy witty and funny and deadpan. (she was witty to the point of ppl taking her awesome sarcasm too seriously and being DEAD afraid of her) and so sophisticated. and so open and available. And she actually LIKES the UNFATHOMABLE SUBJECT. (it's called Equity btw. google it. it's unfathomable.)

anyway, this post is not about her. but about Ms. Court of Appeal. she was an adorable and inspiring roommate. 26!!! in the court of appeal!!! in front of 3 of the most brilliant minds in WWS! and whatmore, the opposing lawyer was really quite unpleasant. i thought of a more apt but ruder word to use but decided not to.

i still recall the day before her CoA hearing. She seemed quite contemplative that afternoon after lunch so i didn't talk to her, thinking she must be busy tying up the loose ends for the case. she broke the silence at 3pm, exclaiming how the SIngapore Academy of Law was giving out free tickets for Salt but she missed it. and so we talked.

"Eh. how come you're looking at SAL's website? Aren't you busy preparing for tomorrow?" I asked.

"Huh? no lah."

"Really ah? You looked so busy for the last hour i didn't dare talk to you."

"Oh. I was reading wikipedia about Marilyn Monroe."

and den we LOL-ed. good times.

she was really so cool.

and she invited me to sit in the court with her. INSIDE. to take minutes.

she made me feel like a worthy intern.

what a lawyer. what a friend.

been feeling very dazed and alien recently. like i'm floating around.

who am i and why am i here?

watching charlie st cloud made me even more dazed.

it feels like i have stars in my head. a neverending galaxy. all my work has evaporated away. it echoes in the distance - and i just live through what i just saw play out on my screen. something real. something sweet. something foreign.

my heart doesn't ache. my eyes aren't wet. i'm just dazed.

love and romance is wonderful. if human romance is only a fraction of what God's love is like, i can't wait for my simple mind to fully comprehend what His love is like in it's entirety.

im just wondering

do all (good) guys like gentle, long skirted, soft-spoken girls?

i've never really like poems, but this,

Pablo Neruda - Love Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep

i just realized, i ate animal's blood 1 and a half years back. O_O

i went to Bae Yong Jun restaurant during my stint at Legal Aid and and decided to try DBSK's favourite dish. and to think it was innocuously called "sausage soup".

sorry.=( (it tasted as hideous as it looks)

lies. help.

HELLO! MEET MY...

My provider - "

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame." - Isaiah 58: 10

My protector - "

Guard my life and rescues me” -

Psalms 25: 20

My confidant and friend - “The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them.” - Psalms 25: 14

learning that other ppl's victories does not mean i'm any less victorious in comparison.

unconditional love

hello gorgeous.

u look like plastic, but i still love u.

Lord voldemort cheers me up everyday.

http://twitter.com/Lord_Voldemort7

mindblowing my blown mind

this is the kind of dance i'll one day do.

hope

a girl once had an old piggy bank. it had been given to her 3 years ago. by a special person on a special occasion. it was purple. cool. handy. and special. very special. in the girl's eyes.

mama came along and gave a savings account and a debit card for the girl recently with huge interest rates. the atm card was so stylish and had great shopping/dining perks.

but the girl never ever used the debit card. she was busy putting all her coins in the old piggy bank.

the piggy bank could fill no more. but the girl kept trying to squeeze coins in anyway. there were cracks showing on the surface due to the force of her efforts. whatever she could not squeeze in, she carried around anyway, heavy as it was, hoping to fit it into the piggy bank one day. she was obsessed with the thought of putting every coin she owned in it. she had to put every coin she had into it, she had to.

when mama found out, she was upset. the account she had signed the girl up for had close to nothing in it. when she went to question the girl, the girl merely replied: "But i like purple."

this went on for months. and the girl gave various interesting responses to mama's occasional probing about the lack of use of the account. "Accounts should be used when i start working, i'm still a little girl." "oh, opps! i forgot that i had a savings account before i inserted my money into my piggy bank." sometimes, the girl got angry with mama's incessant probings and lashed back at her.

one day, while trying to fit 18 $1 coins into her purple piggy bank, the girl, in frustration, smashing her fist against the coin slot in an attempt to propel the protruding coin in. the piggy bank cracked, and she cut her palm.

the girl cried. and cried. and cried. not just coz her palm was hurt. but so was her beloved piggy bank, broken. it was a slight gaping wound in the side of the piggy bank, but coins flowed clumsily out of it anyway, like blood from a gaping cut. like the tears from her eyes.

tears still in her eyes, the girl picked up the coins that flowed out. after a moment, she tilted the entire piggy bank and poured all it's contents out of the wound onto the table. she gathered them. and went to mama to place it in her account.

she took the purple piggy bank and placed it on her top shelf. she never forgets its there.

tiny island

someone once said: you might not remember what someone said, but you'll always remember how they made you feel.

(although i'm fully aware that the above sentence is what someone said)

i love blogging about dreams

i dreamt the government replaced the MRT gantries will this terrible swipe and tap system that made the gantries 3 times as wide and a billion times slower.

i dreamt that Singapore kenna plague of these finger-nail-sized bugs that would suck your blood but nobody was panicking. everyone was adviced to just move around alot and not let these bugs get on their skin.

i dreamt i was sitting in the library working on some assignment question about Compensation. u came along and sat next to me. as usual, we were wordless. and den u leaned over in a deliberate fashion to peep at my com screen. u den got on with ur own work. still no words said, no comments made. i felt almost close to nothing although i was keenly aware u were sitting next to me. i felt like how i did in reality.

and den i awoke wondering how in the last dream was so akin to reality. u even wore a shirt u sometimes wear (and which is one of my least favourite).

google translate doesn't work accurately for this

ur fading.

하지만, 잘생긴 남자를 봐도 니가 최고라 하고.

my flower book

i realized my blog no longer serves much purpose.

i blog when i want attention.

its my digital stage. and im such an attention seeker by nature. it really is one of my character flaws. and i dun feel comfortable acting the way i do.

i've quit broken wings in order to keep myself in check. i would like to quit the bloggersphere too.

with regards to talking crap (which is an essential part of my personality and coping mechanisms) - i think my twitter is an adequate channel for that. cya in twitter world, if you are there.=)

P.S.: i might change my mind in a few days or weeks. but by that time, u wun be here already. hoho. lets see how it goes

PPS: while i was typing all the above, i actually hear the words being spoken out in a scratchy sexy australian accent. reason being, i've been hanging out with aussies all day! awesome stuff. im totally amused by this imaginary aussie voice in my head reciting out every word i read, type and write. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. kthxbye.

moving

if the coke bottle doesn't open and it can never be open.

i'm gonna switch to pepsi.

i cry while listening to songs.

i cry while praying.

i cry while im on the crowded mrt trains.

all this often happens at a spontaneous thought, when i'm not even feeling generally emo.

and the tears go away in a matter of seconds or minutes.

some of my tears come for funny reasons. some come for serious ones.

previous post on celibacy was UNWARRANTED! shouldn't talk about it like that keke.

bleargh. monday blues.

which reminds me of a shirt my friend wears every monday which says, in bold and red, "Monday Sucks."

which reminds me i've not seen this friend of mine for a while.

Wait like a Fool

just watched marianne's bd video and realized how strange and hyperactive i am.

opps. i greet Celibacy with a cautious wave again. HAHA.

HAPPY BD MARIANNE!!!!

i finally felt what it was like to be like a murderer trying to get rid of the evidence. washing blood of your clothes. it was so scary

the whole front of my left foot sock was soaked with blood after my run today.

i didn't feel the abrasion on my toe.

i started worrying that i was leprous.

now, i have bubbles under the skin of my left middle finger.

leprosy is a scary way to die.=(

youth

so passionate. so impulsive. so quick to anger. so quick to punch back.

i wonder if i did something wrong.

i wonder if i should allow myself to be irritated with your behaviour.

i wonder on the value of love.

i wonder why i'm so zen.

hey sexy.

for once, i anticipated a movie, went for it and loved it. i wasn't expecting much though. and u can't say jolie's enough to save ANY movie since Wanted was still a flop.

still way sexy though, no doubt.

i don't even know how im qualified to call another girl sexy coz im not attracted to her in that kinda way but my goodness - she's just so strong, cool and confident.

she looks cute here.

just had to gush about her.

now the pressing question - blonde or jetblack?

i say jetblack!