ATTACK OF THE SLACK!

gaaahhh i'm now too lazy to even pick up my korean book. NOT GOOD.

gogogo!

which is not a good thing

too goodlooking guys are too goodlooking.

and im not talking about the exams

ok praypraypraypraypray.

Memory and Imagination meet.

and your voice,

utters 5 words.

it is not a whisper,

yet i've never heard a thing gentler.

than these.

it's haunting.

i'm amazed at how many direct buses i have to every place i need to go in S'pore:

Sch - 7

Language Sch - 7

Ubi - 51.

Supreme Court - 51.

Previous internship place - 33 +++

Church - 33.

Beach - 33.

Serangoon - 100.

Teoheng - 32

Raffles Towns Club - forgot what bus no.

Future work place - 100

Parkway parade - 31, 197

the coolest, smartest chick in school ever told me "All roads lead to Australia."

I think all roads lead to Kallang.

i think im quite bored. i rarely get this distracted by facebook. and i rarely blog this much.

mummy don't scold me pls, i know you read my blog

i think i'm quite selfish.

a youth asked me to purchase a $200+ ticket online for her.

i said yes but felt a little stressed out. after i buy for her. i'll have a 2 digit figure left in my savings acct.

it's things like these that trigger of the worst in me and make me aware of how much more i still need to grow.

i hope i dream a sequel tonight where i meet Draco Malfoy

ok so Mergers and Acquisitions is DOWN like the economy. but that's not important.

i dreamt i was evil last night. THE HORROR. i was cowardly, unsettledly and reluctantly evil though.

i dreamt Lord Voldemort was trying to recruit me into his army. apparently i had some secret powers that he found useful. and it also helped that i was a girl (the Lord Voldemort in my dreams really liked girls, which i inferred from the fact that most of his minions in my dreams were girls).

he was kind enough to give me a deadline to get back to him with a kind promise of certain death and torture if i declined and so i was TERRIFIED as the minutes ticked up, inching closer towards the deadline. i thought of my mummy and daddy. and i thought of my friends at Hogwarts (HAHAHAHA).

i tried to run. and i ran by going to the top level of Parkway Parade. when the clock struck the deadline, i expected Armageddon. but no. Nothing. and so i exited the top level of parkway parade, thinking i would run away, hopefully, undetected through the carpark.

but there she was waiting, one of his minions. just a normal girl. rather cute. now that i think of it, she kinda reminded me of little red riding hood.

Next scene, i was in some school where tons of other kids/youths/young adults were. all recruited by LV (typing out his full name makes me so paisei). i guess i had said yes, i would join. Louelle was there also. thank God i'm no the only evil one.

and there begun my career as a Minion.

we gathered to have some sort of wizard match. as i got my wand ready, i realized i knew no spells. (the last time i read Harry Potter was like, before uni) except maybe Wingardium Leviosa. i was so afraid LV would be displeased. he was watching.

the campus was rather nice. i only remember our hostels. there were 2 kinds. One was an older, more run-down but still pleasant looking communal hostel where everyone's beds lined up with one another. The older students who have been around for a while all lived. The newer campuses had posh, luxe rooms with velvety beds and curtains - one student to one room. However, there was a rumour going around that students living in those rooms were closely watched by hidden video cams. what more, who wanted to be ALONE when ur living near LV RIGHT??? oh my goodness, if he ava kedava-ed me in a single-student room, i sure die. but if he did it in a communal room, maybe he would misfire and hit someone else instead. and so i ended up in te communal room.

after living there for a while, i think i became a spy. because one day, when it was pass curfew time. i found myself returning to the campus by a dark empty room via Flo powder with a friend. when we exited the room. there was a prefect near us. OH MY GOODNESS WE WERE SO SCARED OF GETTING CAUGHT. but we weren't. we sneaked back successfully into the hostel.

and den i woke up, wondering what day it was and being a alittle blur as usual when i have vivid dreams. i wondered why i even dreamt of this when wasn't even thinking of Harry Potter when i went to slp. i think my innate desire to watching HP7 is getting the better of me.

when i went to sch today, i saw the poster for HP7 in Kallang MRT. and i wondered to myself, what would Harry Potter have done if he were in my shoes last night? He wouldn't have said yes to LV. =( oh, the shame.

it was about Lord Voldemort

im dying to blog about my dream last night. quickquickquick exam over in 3 hours time!!!

u would think that someone who has grown would grow out of her old ways.

i sometimes wish surrendering was a one off event - having to surrender again and again is so so painful.

but my God is good. He makes me aware. and He gives me the strength to persevere, in trust and in hope.

stopstopstopnownownow

this is terrible!

i can't get over it!

it's a vicious cycle!

stop. STOP.

i think blogging is my stress coping mechanism

today, was the day my teacher got married.

and henceforth, planning for marriage begins. esp with one particular good good friend of mine who kept sparking of thoughts i never put my mind to before.

"Eh. What wedding dress would you like to wear ah? Ruffled sleeves?"

errr i dunno! long train!

"Why the wedding no bridesmaid! Eh next time your wedding must have 3 bridesmaid - Amanda, Horsie and I."

i replied: " OK!!! pick me to be urs too!!!"

and den i got really excited. i think im more excited about being a bridesmaid den a bride. HAHAHA.

"OK now all set. damn, we just need the boy now. so slow."

teehee. talking about weddings make me kinda ticklish.

and Taylor Swift isnt helping matters. BFF introduced to me this crazy funny song that induces happy hormones in my blood. YOU MUST READ IT AND HEAR IT AND LAUGH!

(unfortunately cannot find an uncheesy performance of the song=( )

I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in
On a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl

I sneak in and see your friends
And her snotty little family
All dressed in pastel

And she is yelling at a bridesmaid
Somewhere back inside a room
Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry

This is surely not
What you thought it would be
I lose myself in a daydream
Where I stand and say:

Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said "speak now"

Fond gestures are exchanged
And the organ starts to play
A song that sounds like a death march

And I am hiding in the curtains
It seems I was uninvited
By your lovely bride-to-be

She floats down the aisle
Like a pageant queen
But I know you wish it was me
You wish it was me, don't you?

Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said "speak now"

Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow
Your time is running out
And they said, "speak now"

Ooh, la, oh
Ooh, ooh

I hear the preacher say
"Speak now or forever hold your peace"
There's a silence, there's my last chance
I stand up with shaking hands, all eyes on me

Horrified looks from
Everyone in the room
But I'm only looking at you

I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in
On a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl

So don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said, "speak now"

And you say
Let's run away now
I'll meet you when
I'm out of my tux at the back door

Baby, I didn't say my vows
So glad you were around when they said
"Speak now"

She's now made objecting to marriages fashionable. i was giggling to myself today as i sat on the aisle and thought of this song. maybe i should do it to my ex-crushes when they invite me to their weddings HAHAHA.

But the pressing question at the end of this post is: If Taylor's boy is not the kind boy to be marrying the wrong girl, which boy is?

so many things are making me sad tonight (parang incident, ticket woes). there ends my week's joyride.=(

im angstily trying to sell my mnet tickets now. SO STUPID. im soooo tired of kpop tonight.

bleargh.

i like my name

my name, so pretty.

i dreamt i consumed a whole bar of chocolate last night. the horror.

terrible

u did this to me more than a year back before.=(

u tell me how?

my networking life

my networking life starts NOW.

received a call from a lawyer at my previous internship place asking to go for wine after my exams.

going for my future firm's dinner function at raffles towns club later.

im 22, going on 23. D=

my heart can take more

the magnitude and shelf-life of the disorientation has minimized substantially.

table in the wilderness

this week felt like a wilderness. (it seems like every PMS period is a wilderness) but i was really lost. and discouraged.

and i really felt useless and impaired, like a handicap. and i entertained the thought for a few days that i was merely being realistic. this is it. this is life. get on with it.

but today, i was given a response to my thursday post,

"For i delight in loyalty rather than sacrifice,

and in the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings."

I keep trying to offer meat, but i'm really just a potato farmer.

I keep trying to offer 1million kgs worth of potatos, when my potato field is actually only the size of my bedroom.

and in doing all this, i keep pushing myself. like i am good enough. like i have the potential to be good enough, all on my own.

even harvesting potatos is not dependant on me. all it needs is a hailstorm just before havesting session, den GONE.

In all my sacrifices, i still depend on the one whom i'm sacrificing to even make that sacrifice.

When i inherited the potato farm i was delighted. and doing the work was good. reaping the harvest was good. i love potatos. can cook fries. but, somewhere along the way of being enthusiastic and joyful in my relationship with the Lord, i began to start pushing myself to go further, to harvest more, and stopped trusting, instead, in Him to bring me further

In all my sacrifices, i depend on the one whom i'm sacrificing to even make that sacrifice. everything i have, my passions, desires and skills, come from the Lord. i bought into the worldly perception that i have to REALIZE my POTENTIAL by shortening speed-to-market time with optimal skills ready for use. but will not a Realized Potential also come to naught when i go to heaven?

i always forget the goodness of my Lord. but He never fails to remind me.

it's highly likely that im an extrovert.

i just realized today that i talk very loudly. =X

it's my alien friend's influence, confirm.

angels walk alongside me on this broken road.

every night is a nightmare.

every morning is a newday.

every moment spent with family is a blessing.

it's so unfortunate that what i love to do best is dance. =( what do u want me to do with this LORD???????????? WHAT?

or rather what else am i good at!!!! what do u want me to do!!!! TELL ME AND I'LL RUN THERE!!!!

or are some ppl just meant to do things they don't really love, forever. and ever. and ever. and ever.

i am grateful for what i have. but i want to do something useful and of worth as well, u know? something i can really contribute in? i don't want to forever be a jack of all trades.

if i'm harbouring ungratefulness in me, show me Lord. dispel it and lead me in your way. make me an effective servant for you. and not let anything hinder your work in me. not even myself.

and plsss tell me what u want me to do with this life of mine. pls put it to good use. i can't stand it wasting away.

thanks kev

"No matter how ugly or broken you think you are, remember that God wove you into being. He thought of you, and you were." - kevin 280610

i always have exciting dreams

i woke up feeling rather heavy - and immediately bounced up out of bed coz i remembered vaguely hearing my alarm go off a long LONG time ago. overslept 50mins.

i was feeling rather lost and blur - more so than usual although those are part of my personality traits HAHA. and this sensation of being half-present, half-absent on this planet usually happens when i have really vivid dreams.

asides from the fact that i dreamt i was good friends with an SNSD girl

i also went on an escapade with a guy who got charged for murder but was innocent. i think i was trying to help absolve him of liability or something coz i believed in him. macham kdrama.

but the one scene i remember really well is when we were driving in the car. he was at the wheel. i was in the front seat. and i remembered there was a point of time when i suddenly wanted to hold his hand and we ended up doing so, rather naturally but by accident. he fidgeted, not knowing what to do. we stayed there for a few seconds. and den he told me he didn't really want to hold hands and i removed my hand apologizing, not feeling awkward at all and telling him he had really smooth hands HAHA.

but the most vivid thing wasn't what was said. it was how his hands felt. they looked skinny and long, but they were big enough to envelope mine. his palm was super smooth. his skin was cold. it was not a hand i've held before

and i could almost remember his face. it was skinny. he was fair. his eyes were quite big. and he was not my type. absolutely not. he had some sort of ah beng look. though he was gentle. it was not a face i've seen before.

i liked the feeling of holding hands quite a bit, i think!

and i just realized that the guy sounds like a vampire.

proof that i'm really 12, not 22

Bangs.

my favouritest bedsheet of all time

anbc origami paper.

A kid's work of art.

purple braces.

zipai

HILARIOUSSSS

i received a confession of love in my mailbox today.

esthergabar "failed" in love with me through seeing my email address today. and she believes that love has no "color, economical and educational barrier."

i was just thinking of this friend who used to make me feel so inferior.

she really has the x-factor. she could have been a superstar.

i wonder whether it was my fault or her fault that i felt so lousy around her.

my love language ran dry

"kim, i must share with u how God blessed me yesterday. I've never felt so loved!"

my dear friend shared.

"wow, i'e felt this experience only once ever. and that was 2 years back."

my dear friend, could u lay ur hands on me and give me that experience u had?

we walked, the 3 of us. and talked. it tooked us 2 hours to get to dhoby ghaut mrt station when it usually took 5 minutes.

i shared with them. and den my friend, she did it.

"kim. you know, i must affirm you."

3 sentences in, and i cried.

i thank God for sending friends. and for sending assurance and love to a selfish, childish soul like mine.