i want to accelerate, but i'm told to move slow.

i want to do big things, but i'm commanded to first be faithful in the small.

i want to sharpen others, but i'm awakened to my own need for sharpening myself.

i want to speak words of wisdom, but i'm reminded i need to learn it first.

it's been a sightly more tiring 3 days.

sunday was like any other sunday, except i was far more discouraged than ever.

yesterday's dinner was like any other dinner, except i received an encouraging slap to the face that i seriously needed.

today, was like any other working day, except i felt more tired den usual. something was brewing in me. it flowed into tears over dinner with my parents.

what the Lord has been painfully working me towards, is my dire need to desire, learn and master his Word. i'm desperate for wisdom. but i don't have it. and it makes me severely uncomfortable and unrested.

i'm starting.

a peek of perfect teeth. he leaned in - right elbow first on the table, den left elbow. right hand over left fist. straight in the eye.

what a handsome friend i have.

wishlist of things to get (most of which only when i earn my own keep)

GOOD espresso machine

Lomo cam

exercise machine

at least kpop boys will never make u cry =D

kekeke... i like boys TO THE MAX!!

i miss posting on this blog.

now that i've started my internship and am busier, i feel like i read much more and think much more. increased busyness, increased clarity. weird huh.

anyway, i had my LONG AWAITED VISIT to IGGY's today with my dear Aussie cousin who is crazy generous. my mama, who usually dotes on me and gives me whatever i want for my birthday declined my 20/21st birthday wish to go to ONE out of TWO singapore restaurants on the TOP 50 BEST INTERNATIONAL RESTAURANTS - Iggy's!!!

1st dish -->

Foie Gras (Torchon, Cromesquis, chawanmushi)

"You are suppose to eat it from right to left," the server said in a accent that could not be placed. My cousin whispered over: "He looks like our uncle Chris. Lucky his name is Nick."

My first brush with foie gras. awesome. Creamy. Un-irony. First on my right was sweet creamy. Second was cheesy creamy. Third tasted like egg and eel.

[[MISSING PIC]]]

SOUTHERN BLUE FIN (nICOISE vEGETABLES, QUAIL EGG, OLIVE ANCHOVY)

i got too excited with the next dish. Thin slices of fish "*fish type 1* *fish type 2* layered one on top of another" in a square. I burst a bubble of anchovy cream shaped in an olive-shaped shell. the cream tasted weird. the tuna tasted fishy. but when u combined it all.... YUM! FOOD ART!

PORK BELLY (Parma Ham, Barley, Peanut, Kalamansi, Pearl Onion)

My fave!!!! crispy pork on the outside, tender melt-in-your-mouth-ness on the inside. Combined with fruity orangey calamansi and cruncy nutty peanuts and barley... Such a lovely Eastern taste!

RED SNAPPER (Leek, Fennel, Tarragon)

Once again, it all tasted not like much on it's own (except leek, which i love). But when u combine it, the tastiness of the leek with the saltiness of the snapper and the sweetness of the tarragon (read: Tomato)... WOW!!! yum to the max.

SAKURA EBI (Cappellini, Konbu, Scampi Oil)

"This dish has been around longer than i have been her" the super friendly but misplaceable accented server told us.

Tasted like aglio olio on first bite with bits of salty seaweed.

It's not seaweed ppl...it's KEEELLLPPP!!!!

but with the prawn, it was so RICHLY prawny and tasty!

EGG (Poulty, Potato, Truffle)

This dish was hilarious coz my cousin and i were reminded of Kopitiam 'egg-soup'. But of coz it was much smoother and richer. And of coz, with the mash potato below the egg. Just ask coffeeshop uncle put mash potato below his egg-soup and it'll become fine-dining lorh. Can sell for 2bucks at least!

The server told us to look out for a surprise inside the yolk.

Guess what it was.

CHICKEN SKIN! -_-

Wagyu Striploin (Cecile potato, lee, yoghurt, horseradish)

My first brush with wagyu! It tasted so good with the sea salt. Wagyu's actually a little sweet on it's own. amazing stuff.

[[MISSING PIC]]] coz we were rushing -_-

Hole in One (Petit pois, passion fruit, molasses)

Petit pois = mini peas. Molassess = high class sugar. that's what i learnt from my jie! This dish was really cute. it reminded me of those pretty cakes made by designers for kids! You kow the kind with coloured sugar moulded n the form of a barbie doll???

This dish has grinded petit pois a the grass underlying a white chocolate ball with passion fruit inside. YUM TO THE MAX!!!!

Chocolate Blackforest (Beetroot sorbet, cherry and dark choco mousse)

I frauded this dish. It was suppose to e this lighter butternut squash dish with coconut.

There it is - Butternut Art!

But being anti-hawaiian (no not really) i went for 'The Alternative' and found out it was, delightfully, chocol.ate!!!! which i was really hoping for. FANTASTIC DESSERT TO END OF!!! The chocolate was crazy rich.

and there goes a post i tried to do as fast as possible coz honestly, i drank too much wine. 1 glass of mixer and 4 glass of wines. my head is splitting, i need to sleep, but this experience is one i must jot down MUST JOT DOWN!!! it's unlikely to come very soon again!!!!!!!!

just... a little peace and quiet...

my heart aches for the middle child, who has less of her grandma's favour den her older and younger sibling.

whose older sibling knows it and tells the middle child "everyone doesn't love you."

whose younger sibling steals her things and hits her really hard.

who seems to no longer like having ppl touching her, hugging her or kissing her that much.

who suddenly lapses into silence and contemplation.

who is forthcoming, honest and pure.

who is impressionable and naive.

who is eager to learn.

who needs to be protected but does not seem to be getting enough of it.

who serves people readily.

who is slightly mischievous and den tries to sweetly but honestly wriggle her way out of trouble.

whose pale white smooth skin glows when she's happy.

whose voice is extra loud in a bid to get attention she lacks.

who suffers sudden mood swings.

who is quiet when she knows u need silence or is busy.

who stays around u even when ur too busy to entertain her because she likes ur company.

who is patient and obedient.

who gives in to her siblings.

who is delightful.


-----------

i don't want her to grow up thinking she's not loved. when in fact, she is entirely lovable. but she doesn't need me. she needs Jesus.

Lord, pls.

my last day of freedom or mindless boredom. depending on how i want to look at it.

last burst of tv programs, a go at my wii. youtube.

next - gym, eat and talk.

last - supporting a friend at her gig.

and den, hello to 6 weeks of work.

i fluctuate between being happy and sian.

Its now 4.45am.

A phone call woke me up 20 mins ago.

"Thiis singtel's mobile msg service. From number 9*****57. eng 1 usa 1."

At that moment, i thought about how much i hated football.

And den, i thought of him. I was dreaming of an old friend before i woke up. Our funny past. He was gentlemanly.i smiled. And den i couldn't go back to sleep.

I've not thought about him ir seen him for at least 2 years now. And, suddenly.

The river flowing in me tells me two is better than one .

i love kids

u know how ur often dissatisfied. not filled.

when u're having fun or relaxing, Doubt whispers to u that This is not Life. and This is not How it is supposed to Be.

when something gets in ur way, Violence and Anger swells up in you in disproportion. (a youth was telling me about how she went to a concert, was pushed from the left and hence fell a little on the girl on her right. the girl screamed vulgarities non-stop at her. siao)

where u're stressed, a Question Mark suddenly appears and Meaning disappears.

and we push them aside. We push all that aside.

i've wanted to do more with my life. i've admired those who go all out to serve. with the push and pull all neatly set in place... why haven't i done anything?

i thought these things through as i walked the long way to the Buona Vista MRT Station. It distracted me from Violence and Anger's arrival upon losing my way when i sillily tried to find a bus stop instead of walking back the same way i came from.

i continued thinking as i sat on the train and played the car game on my new phone that i was completely hooked onto.

i continued thinking as my stomach growled and i bought soyabean with pearls from Mr Bean home to drink.

i told myself when i reach home tonight, i want to blog and i want to search for opportunities on the net.

and yet, when i stepped in. immediately, Doubt, Dissatisfaction and Question Mark retreated into its corner. I was back in my comfort zone with a facade of tons of things to do. I was back in the comfort zone that kept me comfortable with discomfort and kept my desire to break free confined.

i had to compel myself to write this. to tear myself away from twitter and youtube to write THIS.

what am i doing with my life.

i'm going to learn to let go of these a bit more and takeup things more worthy of my time.

the end of my holiday starts on monday. =(

we sat down at the cafe and my dad immediately called his new friend over - the boss of the cafe.

he walked over, away from his red Dell and hung behind the empty chair of the 4 seat table. after 5 mins, dad gestured for him to sit down. he did so, slowly, as he continued talking.

Uncle R has 2 daughters. one is a assistant law professor at an overseas uni. she had co-written a book with a foreword by a distinguished politician. she specialized in environmental law. another was a law student.

uncle R himself was no small fry. once, an owner of a pharmaceutical firm, he had now retired and invested in a few small businesses to keep himself occupied. uncle R had an eye for biz. he told us loads about himself and his daughters, but not once did i feel intimidated.

he was a businessman.

and this businessman told me: "i have a feeling you'll make a good lawyer. You have EQ."

wow. that totally made my day.

a businessman. telling me that.

he also told me of how his 1st daughter - now professor and author and academic, once felt like pulling out of law school in year 1 because it was too tough.

it's amazing how a stranger could encourage me in a matter of minutes within meeting me.

in fact, it's amazing how open i've been to strangers recently.

i've met friends on my trip to korea that i now continue to keep in contact and intend to meet up with.

i met friends while lining up for the showcase today who i felt so comfortable with that i could talk more candidly with them than more than half the "friends" i currently have.

i smiled at a coffeebean guy i saw carrying 4 humongous plastic bags in the shopping centre today as i sipped from my coffeebean latte in hand.

i smiled at the fierce but cute looking malay security guard i see in my school library almost everyday.

and i met uncle R who i hope remembers me when i go back to his cafe 2 weeks later.

i'm changing. =)

a little more irritated with kids recently.

yunho oppa finally took his rightful place on my wardrobe door (right next to my "Please do not be lazy!" sign so as to further motivate myself. think i might put a speech bubble next to his mouth soon)
need to prep my speech of love for siwon and eunhyuk. HAHA. after this sunday, ENOUGH! sick of kpop fangirling already.

2 random facts and 1 thought

#1: i don't count by minutes - i count by songs. when i run on the treadmill for 10 mins, i will keep track by counting the number of songs i've listened to. each song averages at 3.5 mins. that keeps me going.

#2: i like my grapes cold. any how else is not nice.

thought: when i go overseas, it feels like time stops while i'm in the plane. i can't imagine how ppl can continue going about their routines when i'm not. it feels like i step out of time when i step out of the country.

i wonder if my dear marianne feels this way.

Korean Proverb: Love and Coughs cannot be hidden

Once I had a secret love

That lived within the heart of me
All too soon my secret love
Became impatient to be free

So I told a friendly star

The way that dreamers often do
Just how wonderful you are
And why I am so in love with you

Now I shout it from the highest hills
Even told the golden daffodils

At last my heart's an open door
And my secret love's no secret anymore

don't touch me if you don't mean it.