this trip round, i think i learnt more from the youths then they did from me.

her heart of service. not minding getting her hands dirty.

her simple-minded innocence and filial piety.

her openness and inevident bravery.

cool stuff.

what really hit me, however, were my interaction with 3 sisters (10, 7 and 5 years olf). i met them last december and they were so tiny then.

i remembered giving attention to the middle child coz she was very touchy and loved hugs and sitting on my lap. i also remembered the youngest one being VERY pretty. i didn't remember much about the older one.

but this time round, the older one left the greatest impact.

we were having our tiny discussions.

Me: "When you lie to your mother, you'll feel guilty after that right?"

Da Jie: "No." *Smug smile*

*STUN* I thought to myself, huh, i thought malaysian kids very guai one. i already sensed something was wrong with this kid.

Next, when i suggested we prayed. She whined and asked if we could not. Despite such anti-attitude twds praying,she still responded in the affirmative when asked if she loved Christ. Standard Christian Girl script acted out to the max.

The last thing that happened - i spoke about loving others like how Christ loves us. She lost her temper, tears in her eyes, stomped to the back.

Da Jie was very bitter. smug. cynical. sarcastic. An elder at the gospel center told me it was coz she carried a weight on her shoulder - the weight of being a second mom, ever since her youngest brother was born last year. While having added responsibilities, the youngest daughter (the pretty one) was treated like a princess and given anything she wanted as long as she cried and pouted enough.

Er Jie was not any better. Er Jie looks very cheerful on the surface. and friendly. She was always smiling. and once she warms up to, always clinging to your arm and hugging you.

but i caught her giving the same glares and "diao" looks her da jie loved throwing at her 2 sisters. Also, Er Jie's favourite hobby was pointing finger at others (esp her sisters) and rattling on them.

Xiao mei leh? Xiao mei just likes to sit pretty and wait to be fawned over. And she likes to be served. But she was getting there as well. When Da Jie told me outloud in front of her sisters "I hate my smallest sister to the max." Xiao mei replied "I also hate you to the max."

sad stuff.

to see the 3 sisters fighiting over attention. they were never contented with just one person' attention. Once they spotted someone giving attention to their other sister, they would go over and pout and touch that very attention giver in a bid to steal his/her affection.

what a painful way to live.

on the last day, i held each of their head in my hands and looked them in the eyes.

"You are precious. And beautiful. Jesus loves you all the same. I love you all the same." Er Jie flippantly nodded. I had to repeat it to her 3 times. It still didn't look like it sinked in. Da Jie just looked away, smiled cordially and nodded. Xiao mei didn't look like she needed to be told again. She just smiled prettily.

human relations are so complex.

busy invading other's privacy

i'm on justin's top sites!!!=DDD (so is desiree and justin himself, teeheeheeeeeeeee)

the prettiest place i went to (and also, the first place i went to upon touching down) - Nami Island. we had to travel there by a 5min boat trip.

this place is a hot spot for women who like sissy-looking men.

Not because sissy-looking men hang out there, but because sissy-looking men film their soppy dramas there.

BUT, who am i to judge. i like some sissy-looking men and some soppy dramas too.

i must tell u though, the place is GORGEOUS. If fairness of complexion determines how stunning and feminine a lady is, then the trees here are all princesses.

If height determines how hot you are, the trees here are all bombshells.

I never understood the Love of Nature. but after seeing Korean Trees, i have been converted to an official tree lover. i couldn't take my eyes off the trees or stop gushing about how pretty they were. Their leaves are such a FRESH light green colour. and soooooooo prrrreeeetttttttttttttyyyyyyyyyyy. for the lack of eye candy, i started looking at trees.

the whole island was filled with people. In particular families out on picnics. What really caught my eye though were the NS boys out with their girlfriends. What a nice place to date. Albeit a bit boring. More about places to date later. Seriously, Korea has so many nice places to date. They should set up an international dating agency or something.

Check out the heart shape motifs on the floor. this whole place screams romance.

Singapore version of Winter Sonata.

one of my favourite (rather pervertic) hobbies - taking pics of kids.

Chasing a squirrel

Kid so glam, mom so not.

Dalbaki! Chicken, cabbage, rice cakes, pumpkin in a spicy paste. VERY YUMMY!

it seems like the 1st place and the 1st meal i had were the best. my adrenaline was pumping.

BONUS PIC:

the first celebrity endorsement advertisement i saw. I WAS EXCITED LIKE MAD!! 2pm is <333.

kimcheeland overload. i feel like i need a period of abstinence. HAHA.

the tour was so hectic i couldn't bring myself to reflect at the end of every night. or keep my eyes open during every bus trip. i didn't want to miss one sight of korea. but i missed many.

not to mention, i dropped 3 boxes full of freshly (painstakingly) plucked strawberries by my family on the rainy muddy ground. failure of the month. i consoled myself by saying Clumsiness is Cute. HAHAHA. but honestly, i was super upset lah. wanted to cry. lol.

the trip was somewhat of a selfdiscovery though. i realized i need to relax and turn down the intensity. lest my future kids learn to be as intense as me. i don't want them to live with that.

i visited plenty of places, but none got me quite as excited as a simple trip to the authentic Kbox with Hilda and friend. I've been dying to try THE kbox, aka Noraebang (translation: Song Room). and we didn't go to just ANY song room. we went to the one directly managed by the biggest entertainment company in korea, SM entertainment, handling SUJU, SNSD, DBSK. awesome stuff.

in an impromptu move, we went to the SM office itself which was in the vicinity since we were too early and the noraebang hadn't opened. the building's horrid. run down. windows plastered with papers. front door sealed shut (everyone enters by the back door). it wa such a dingy looking building. but so surreal. me, standing in front of what i only saw in photos.

i also saw thi curious looking school girl standing under a tree by the road side, tuning into her mp3. pink jacket. couldn't have been over 16. we held an envelope in her hand. i was SO SURE she was waiting for some celebrity to walk by. i wanted to ask her what she was doing, but didn't.

crap. i think i must make a new rule for myself. when i go overseas, i'm gonna to just DO everything i want to. NO DELIBERATION. and thats why i'm nto cut out for tours as well. i love being impromptu overseas. going where i will. doing what i want. anything to live up to the experience.

our world is really such a wonderful place. i feel like i've been stuck in my tiny hole, be it geographically or mentally for too long. i really need to expand. i'm going for it.

step by step. i am.

watch me.

look what i found in the kitchen.

SO FASHIONABLE!!!

anyway, i'm finally excited bout gonig to KOREAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!=D but kenna a bad cough this morning. zz.

ANYEONG HASEYOU, CIN GU DYRYN!!!! (bye, friends)

letting go

finally, i could laugh it off, genuinely.

i've no longer felt uncomfortable. nervous. uptight.

you laugh. i laugh.

you look. i look back. no funny faces pulled. no redirecting of eyes.

=)

in the busines of laughing at myself

i wanted to lose some weight before going to korea so i'll look pretty when i get there.

haha i'm quite funny.

i think i didn't think hard enough what i wanted.

someone who can just accept me as i am.

someone whom i can accept just as he is.

someone i can have fun with.

someone whose very presence doesn't stop my reflections and critical thinking but teases it out.

someone who will value my perspectives.

someone whose not too hard up.

----------------

each time i try to be "better" i get more and more tired. which is a gd thing! i'm just letting go, and just being. if i don't wanna go out, so be it. if i don't want to talk, so be it. however, if i display bad behaviour, i would know there's something wrong in my life i need to deal with.

that's it.

i'm nothing more nothing less.

ry once told me he thought i was a simple girl. a long long time ago. i think he discovered otherwise after some time. keke.

i'm really quite complicated. i have complicated thoughts. a lot of baggage to sift through and deal with. but the Lord has been good to me. he has simplified me. simmered the storm. slowly, i'm learning true wisdom.

i want to learn to be simple. i want to learn how to humble. i want to learn how to be meek.

and i want to learn how to submit into the Lord's hands.

today, is the day, i let go.