i know this blog hasn't been as much a happy one as an emo or celebrity-spam one. and hence, here i am to correct that!

my God, is a Lord of surprises.

my God is my affirmation. my lover. my ultimate gift.

as i dried up... he brought me refreshment.

he affirmed me and soothed uncertainties i wasn't even aware off.

he's faithful.

he's unconditionally loving.

i want to serve Him with my life. =)

so glad i got closer to her. =) wish we did it earlier.

Song of Songs 4

when did i forget my First Love?

-----------------

last night as i was making my way back from school, i was listening to my sappy ballads. and i imagined the Lord singing to me some of the lyrics. and it was as sweet as anything i've ever heard.

i'm trying to tune in to God's Love Song this week.

[Song of Songs 4]

the relevance of law

1.

Odex v. Pacific Net [2008]

Holdings with regard to Copyrights Act s136(6A)/s136(6B):

"Prof S Jayakumar, the Deputy Prime Minister and Minister for Law, said ...Because of the concerns of Ms Indranee Rajah and Mr Zainudin that the way it is drafted may catch the odd home user who in good faith innocently downloads some items, I think I should assure them that the way it is drafted is unlikely to have that result.... it is not intended to catch a person who commits an infringement by occasionally downloading an article or song from the Internet for his own personal enjoyment."

WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2.

Substituted trading - a form of indirect insider trading is not criminalized and will likely not be due to widespread practice and difficulty in regulating.

i.e. we can make simple economic conclusions deduced from confidential company information to our personal advantage.

Eg. If i work for Singtel and i know phone sales are going to supernaturally rise by some of Singtel's "inside information" i can deduce all phone sales will rise. and hence i go buy Motorola's shares. AWESOME!

thank you Lord for sending me a friend who has went through what i'm going through and felt the way i've felt.

pls Lord. let this old life crumble. let it fade. let this new life offering be my saving grace. pls.

a love song

There was once a father, walking through a mall with his 2-year-old son. The child was cranky; he kept whining and wriggling and complaining. The father struggled to remain patient.

After much whining, the father suddenly scooped up his 2-year-old grumbler, held him tight to his chest, and began to sing an impromptu love song. None of the words rhymed. He sang it off-key, but as best as he could, he shared his heart:

"I love you. I'm so glad you're my boy. You make me laugh."

From store to store the father kept going, words not rhyming, notes off-key. His son relaxed, captivated by this strange and wonderful song.

Finally, when they had finished, the dad went to the car, buckled his son in the car seat, and his son raised his arms and lifted up his head. "Sing it to me again, Daddy. Sing it to me again."

(Source: Love Beyond Reason by John Ortberg)

Contentment, in a love song. My Father holds me close and sings his song off love to me. though i'm utterly unlovable at times.

I can wait. I can persevere through my disappointment. I'm being taught a prospective lesson of gratefulness.

i'm amazed at how i can compartmentalize and switch switches on and off. but my ability doesn't always work. i'm hoping it'll continue to work at the right times.

you know how we always thought the story about the prodigal son was just that - a story about the prodigal son? did we never look to the older brother? the older brother was jealous of the prodigal son's treatment upon his repentance. The older brother, in a fit, told his father "Look! I've slaved all these years but you never gave me a young calf."

the older brother wanted the gifts and rewards of serving his father.

it was not enough to make him happy, the fact that his father was happy. the older son was also a prodigal son.

"Son. you are always with me. and everything i have is yours."

do i even realize that?

cravings.

switch it off or face it bravely? its such a thin line. and i haven't even discussed the frustrating question of whether i'm craving at all.

what do i do?

helllooooo.

THIS IS IT!!

don't mind his english. and his irritating expression at 1:29 - 1:30. HAHA.

40% of the reason why i went to the concert was THIS!!!

• singing a christian song,
• as your solo item,
• inviting your fellow members to join you during your only time for personal spotlight (in a group of 13 members OMONA!)
• proclaiming your faith publicly
• in an islamic country

This is easily lovable. much easier to love. much much easier.

(although i do admit this is a little too staged. he has done this at least 5 times. i still think he's cool though. Katherine agrees)

when i hear/see "super" i will think "junior"

when someone says sorry, i feel like singing

HAHAHA. this is going to go on for a few days.

im all for new things, the new me is.

going for concert in the middle of the sem.

studying for test at the most minimalistic level (as far as i could humanly push myself while having a balanced lifestyle).

shiok.

i'm Zenning right now. when im tired - i either Zen, laugh like mad or cry.

NO GOOD PHOTO OF SHIWON SIAN. (thats him on the bigscreen in the picture though) nevermind go take online.

besides, the main reason why no good photos coz i was fan-camming him ALL THE WAY!!

i need to sleep my tears away

i think im heartbroken. i felt like crying when suju sang It's You and kyuhyun sang Yuan Liang Wo.

It's You

"Oh whatever anyone anyone says, it doesn’t matter to me

Oh whoever whoever curses me, I’ll only look at you
... ...
(Still Still) Even as time goes by"

Yuan Liang Wo

請原諒我
原諒我不成熟
不愛妳是藉口
....

(Note: Omitted lame lines. Need to preserve my pride.)

not quite sure what im heartbroken over. i can only guess.

i wish entertainment artistes could lead normal lives sometimes. so poor thing to be screamed at whereever u go. and to carry on singing and dancing and smiling even when ur sick enough to collapse (it looked like one of them was).

shiwon sang "who am i" by casting crowns. he's so tired from his filming and performing schedules. it showed.

i have not much of a desire to meet the idols i like. i just find certain of their qualities admirable. its so much easier to like idols.

zenning it out

ok i know 10 mins ago i wanted to write a story. 5 mins ago i decided to reconsider. now i would like to write a different one.

do u know the concept of zen? i first came across it in year 2 when my 2 alien friends and 1 zen friend teamed up for the longest presentation of our lives. alien 1 and 2 were the life of the party and just a little bit mad. i remembered being stuck in a discussion room with alien 1 screaming and shaking zen. and alien 2 laughing (serenely). i was scared to silence and awkward "ermmmmsss" since it was the 1st time i was actually witnessing otherworldly activity on planet earth. during the presentation, alien 1 and 2 were bouncing around and alien 1, as usual, with her boisterous laughter, joking loudly and boldly with the professor.

i love my aliens. but my story's not about them.

zen on the other hand was termed Zen by my two lovable aliens. she was always calm. floating yet on solid ground. unemotional yet happy. detached yet friendly. and her response was always ZEN (i.e. nothingness and peace)

long meeting. ZEN

long presentation, shot way over time. ZEN.

physically manhandled by aliens. ZEN.

ever since that project, aliens and i always talk about zen. more the act than the girl.

"Have you become increasingly more Zen throughout the years?"

"Are you feeling Zen today?"

"You think you what, Zen ah?"

i said yes. and i would like to believe so.

i'm quite zen. i can turn off my feelings. to anything. i can turn it off to someone. i can turn it off to dramas. turn it off to live. turn it off to tears. turn it off to friends. turn it off to family. anything.

(perhaps thats why i'm not as "nice" a girl as so-and-so?? sorry lorh.)

but tiredness and late nights always turns on the tap and lets things trickle in.

and so i resolved to dealing with these things bravely. keeping the tap on and bringing them immediately to the Lord.

but it's very difficult.

i would like to zen now again. i would like to go back to not caring. Anders, i finally understand why you always "don't care don't care" about things. it really works.

i'm not brave enough to face it tonight. i'm holding out for who knows what.

"you're worthy." are u sure, Jen? are u sure I am?

whatever the answer is - ZEN.

quickquick moveon

wah cham lah.

A role-model.

A reactant.

An idea.

they were all not made for me.

(this story was to be about the reactant. but coming across something made me lose all steam. gimme 10mins and i'll decide whether to write it.)

is there any point in filling in the blanks now?

my aunty and my mom used to bring me to NYDC. i liked the cheesecakes. they were so creamy and indulgent. sickeningly so. i ate it as my comfort food. and felt uncomfortable later. once, i had more than one slice during someone's birthday, i felt so sick after eating it, i stopped going to NYDC altogether.

i got over cakes for a period of time in my life. didn't crave it. didn't want it. didn't need it.

and then i found it - ms clarity's warm chocolate cake. i started on rich cakes again. i thought of NYDC's cheesecakes. i contemplated going back to try it but arrested the thought once i recalled the sickening feeling that came with it. i thought to myself: "i'm better off now. it's chocolate, i'm eating, not cheese."

but aren't i still eating cake and dairy?

my cute, huggable friend told me i was "worthy."

and i cried.

that was enough to pour cold (holy) water on me and keep me going.

i love my God and i love my friends!

highly disturbed by 2pm's scandal(s).

i wish i had a more charming laughter.

i wish i was more lady-like and ideal.

im quite intelligent sometimes

you can't have everything, but you can't have nothing either.

it's damn dumb to be struggling with adolescence issues at my age. but let me tell u honestly, its frustrating.

FRUSTRATING.

stop talking about my face, ok. if u have nothing else to talk to me about, then don't talk. its ok. im fine with silence.

if anyone mentions my face one more time, im probably going to walk away from the person.

LATEST 2010 TREND

rejecting Kim!

hello, Rejection, my old friend.

nicetomeetchugainz. Meritocracy keeps placing us in each other's path!

u don't look too shabby. albeit, abit obese from all the daily feasting on ppl's souls and u seem to have the remnants of blood stains at the corner of ur mouth - ur eyes, a little glazed from all the gorging. but i guess at least ur not gaunt, lifeless, sucked dry of blood, lying in a pool of sweat and tears.

well, i guess i'll see u tml. and the next. and the next. 4evamoreandalways. toodles my friend.

may i never see u again ihatechumuch.

i have a pretty, wise friend who is pretty wise.

"eh, i think what you are doing is unhealthy leh. You should stop it."

Totally agree. Needed someone to tell me outright.

"i think it's both our struggles. must pray."

=)